Wrathful and Unrepentant Jade (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jadedmusings) wrote2009-04-29 07:26 pm
jadedmusings) wrote2009-04-29 07:26 pm
Jade and the Lizard
While someone was here mowing the lawn, the kiddo tried to look out of the living room windows, which involved pushing aside the curtains and the blinds. I kept trying to tell him no, but he didn't listen, and that's when I noticed something crawling on the curtains. I headed over there and sure enough a lizard had managed to find his way into the house. He was calmly hanging onto my curtains.
Lizard: "'Sup?"
Me: "What are you doing here?"
Lizard: "Oh, I'm just chillin', hangin' out. These curtains are tight."
Me: "Er, thanks, but I think you need to go back where you came from."
Lizard: "Hater." *runs down to the floor*
[A small chase ensues, wherein, after about half a minute, I manage to grab hold of him.]
Me: "Gotcha!"
Lizard: "What are you--HEY HEY WATCH THOSE FINGERS! I MIGHT NEED THAT LATER! BAD TOUCH, BAD TOUCH!"
Me: "Kiddo, come here and look at the lizard."
Kiddo: *makes his Not Sure If Want face*
Me: "Oh come one, he's not going to bite." *touches the lizard's 'chin'*
Lizard: "HEY, WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THOSE FINGERS?"
Kiddo: "Tickle the lizard!"
Lizard: "DON'T ENCOURAGE HER!"
Me: "I won't tickle him. Come on, let's take him outside."
[Kiddo and I go out onto the porch to release the lizard.]
Kiddo: "Bye-bye, lizard!"
Lizard: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" *scurries away*
Then the kiddo screamed, and I saw a wasp was on the porch. I told the kiddo I'd get it and he calmed down. I grabbed the spray from the kitchen and promptly terminated the wasp with extreme prejudice. In less than ten minutes a lizard (who may or may not need therapy now) was released back into the wild, and the indoor porch was protected from stinging/potentially dangerous insects.
In other words, it's just another day as a mother.
Lizard: "'Sup?"
Me: "What are you doing here?"
Lizard: "Oh, I'm just chillin', hangin' out. These curtains are tight."
Me: "Er, thanks, but I think you need to go back where you came from."
Lizard: "Hater." *runs down to the floor*
[A small chase ensues, wherein, after about half a minute, I manage to grab hold of him.]
Me: "Gotcha!"
Lizard: "What are you--HEY HEY WATCH THOSE FINGERS! I MIGHT NEED THAT LATER! BAD TOUCH, BAD TOUCH!"
Me: "Kiddo, come here and look at the lizard."
Kiddo: *makes his Not Sure If Want face*
Me: "Oh come one, he's not going to bite." *touches the lizard's 'chin'*
Lizard: "HEY, WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THOSE FINGERS?"
Kiddo: "Tickle the lizard!"
Lizard: "DON'T ENCOURAGE HER!"
Me: "I won't tickle him. Come on, let's take him outside."
[Kiddo and I go out onto the porch to release the lizard.]
Kiddo: "Bye-bye, lizard!"
Lizard: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" *scurries away*
Then the kiddo screamed, and I saw a wasp was on the porch. I told the kiddo I'd get it and he calmed down. I grabbed the spray from the kitchen and promptly terminated the wasp with extreme prejudice. In less than ten minutes a lizard (who may or may not need therapy now) was released back into the wild, and the indoor porch was protected from stinging/potentially dangerous insects.
In other words, it's just another day as a mother.