Jade and the Lizard

[jadedmusings]

While someone was here mowing the lawn, the kiddo tried to look out of the living room windows, which involved pushing aside the curtains and the blinds. I kept trying to tell him no, but he didn't listen, and that's when I noticed something crawling on the curtains. I headed over there and sure enough a lizard had managed to find his way into the house. He was calmly hanging onto my curtains.

Lizard: "'Sup?"
Me: "What are you doing here?"
Lizard: "Oh, I'm just chillin', hangin' out. These curtains are tight."
Me: "Er, thanks, but I think you need to go back where you came from."
Lizard: "Hater." *runs down to the floor*
[A small chase ensues, wherein, after about half a minute, I manage to grab hold of him.]
Me: "Gotcha!"
Lizard: "What are you--HEY HEY WATCH THOSE FINGERS! I MIGHT NEED THAT LATER! BAD TOUCH, BAD TOUCH!"
Me: "Kiddo, come here and look at the lizard."
Kiddo: *makes his Not Sure If Want face*
Me: "Oh come one, he's not going to bite." *touches the lizard's 'chin'*
Lizard: "HEY, WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THOSE FINGERS?"
Kiddo: "Tickle the lizard!"
Lizard: "DON'T ENCOURAGE HER!"
Me: "I won't tickle him. Come on, let's take him outside."
[Kiddo and I go out onto the porch to release the lizard.]
Kiddo: "Bye-bye, lizard!"
Lizard: "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?" *scurries away*

Then the kiddo screamed, and I saw a wasp was on the porch. I told the kiddo I'd get it and he calmed down. I grabbed the spray from the kitchen and promptly terminated the wasp with extreme prejudice. In less than ten minutes a lizard (who may or may not need therapy now) was released back into the wild, and the indoor porch was protected from stinging/potentially dangerous insects.

In other words, it's just another day as a mother.