Precious and Fragile Things

The episode is live and you can listen to it on the webpage or download it for later. I had a blast talking with Apple Cider Mage and Tzufit and would love to do it again. We covered a lot of ground using Aggra as sort of a jumping off point for mothers in Azeroth and WoW in general. I was nervous the entire time and, of course, feel I sound like a dork, but I always do. :)

Now if you'll excuse me, after falling down my cinder block steps on my bottom this morning, I've got a day full of pain killers and sitting on pillows ahead of me. Oh, and raid tonight.

Dear Authors Everywhere,

If you want me to have sympathy for your protagonist and/or narrator, DON'T HAVE THEM RAPE SOMEONE!

If you do this anyway, don't spend the rest of the book trying to make me feel sympathetic toward them because his victim doesn't love him and would never love him (and likely would never have loved them even without the rape because--OH TRAGEDY OF TRAGEDIES--she's gay and prefers women over men). And don't even get me started on the fact both the narrator and victim go on to have sexual relations with the same woman despite the fact both narrator and victim have JUST ENTERED PUBERTY (ergo, they are BELOW THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN) and never address how fucked up this is.

Seriously, every time after that you bring up how, woe is he, the woman he raped will never forgive him or love him like he wants, I just want to hurl your book across the room, but I can't because it's on my Kindle Fire and I don't think that's covered under my warranty.

If your protagonist rapes someone and their only punishment is navel gazing and "Woe, but I love her!" THEY ARE NOT A HERO OR EVEN A REMOTELY NICE PERSON! I don't care if they save the world, they're still and will always be a rapist.

Signed,

A Very Disappointed Reader

(Brought to you by me reading a book I saw advertised on John Scalzi's blog, falling in love with the world and the premise only to, roughly halfway through the book, encounter the above bullshit.)

( And one more letter. )

Subtitle for this post: And the Horde is Not Full of Homophobic Asswipes

"I've walked the realms of the dead. I have seen the infinite dark. Nothing you say. Or do. Could possibly frighten me." - Sylvanas Windrunner

Earlier today I visited YouTube, like you do, and I checked out OMFGCata's announcement for their contest "Convince the Pandaren to join your faction." The premise was that since we Americans are in the midst of a Presidential election, fans should make a political ad for either the Horde or Alliance in order to recruit the Pandaren to their side. Pretty awesome idea, I think, and Blizzard thought so too, so they offered up some pretty awesome swag, including several World of Warcraft books, the monopoly game, among other neat stuff that may or may not be on my Christmas/Birthday wishlist.

Anyway, today was the big announcement and, perhaps unsuprisingly, Slightly Impressive won for the Alliance with their very humorous ad highlighting the (mostly) better parts of Stormwind, which I think was also featured on WoW Insider a couple of weeks back. I was pleased to see the ad that won for the Alliance didn't amount to, "The Horde is evil!" and that it managed to poke fun at itself in a light-hearted way.

And then they showed the Horde winner, which not only has some casual homophobia, it ends with an image of Sylvanas Windrunner in a blatant sexual pose with someone screaming "For the Horde!" (Content warning: Homophobia and gross sexism.)

Out of 160+ videos with something as professional and cute as Slightly Impressive winning for the Alliance, the best video chosen by OMGCata (and Blizzard?) is this fucking poorly animated bullshit? Are you fucking kidding me? And Jesse Cox, I am so disappoint, son. Dude, this sums up your feelings on the Horde? (Yeah, yeah, I know you were being flippant and making a joke, but I know underneath was that old chestnut of "Hurr, hurr, Sylvanas is hot, and the Alliance races are all a lot of girly men." Seriously, GTFO my Horde with that bullshit.)

Here's the thing: Sylvanas fucking Windrunner was, in life, Ranger General of Silvermoon, leader of all (then) high elven military forces. She and her sister commanded the troops that drove back the orcish Horde and kept them from invading Quel'Thalas. After being killed and turned into a banshee by Arthas, she eventually seized upon the opportunity to break free from Arthas's control over her to retrieve her body and (with a little help from Arthas's/Ner'zhul's enemies) reclaim Lordaeron for the Forsaken and is now one of the Horde's racial leaders. In a forthcoming patch to Mists of Pandaria, Sylvanas will play a major role in removing Garrosh Hellscream as Warchief of the Horde.

She is, of course, an imperfect character and has recently gone from a tragic hero to skirting the lines of a villain (partly due to bad/inconsistent characterization on Blizzard's part), but none of this changes the fact that, at her core, Sylvanas Windrunner is one bad-ass motherfucker who would most probably fuck your shit up eight ways to Sunday if you tried to tango with her.

But let's just forget all of that and pose her in an X-rated "Come hither" way and say the Horde is awesome because we have one sexy woman who happens to be a racial leader. Let's also ignore the fact that she is, quite literally, dead and while she is remarkably well preserved, her skin is a corpse-gray color and she's likely rotted at least a little bit. (Fap away, boys! Enjoy your necrophilia!)

Look, I'm not even all that mad about the video. I'm just tired of every time there's a strong female character, one who actually has power and influence and could, in theory, really fuck things up for pretty much everybody in their world, she's reduced to being a goddamned sex object for the gratification of (heterosexual) males. I guess it's because so long as you can fuck her, you're not so intimidated? And it's not as if we women players have an over-abundance of female NPCs to admire, especially in comparison to the male NPCs. Hell, even in Krasarang Wilds I was treated to a questline where, despite all my efforts, a woman died in childbirth, but her husband's okay because she lived long enough to bring twin sons into this world. And don't get me started on Jaina Proudmoore in Tides of War.

Rage. Seethe. Boil.

What doesn't help is that Sylvanas's little artwork isn't even the only problem I had with the video. As I said, there's some casual homophobia and further sexism in there before we get Sylvanas. ("Don't join the Alliance! They have effemininate men who might like you in the gay way and we all know real men aren't gay!") I mean, I'm sure some people will say, "Oh, you're being ridiculous about this!" I really don't care. I'm going to call this shit out on the carpet when I see it, especially when it's a contest approved by Blizzard and by someone whose videos I usually watch specifically because he doesn't say horrible shit except on the rare occasion.

Bottom line: There had to be better videos for the Horde than this. Had to be. Even if it were the least bit funny, it's really fucking crappy production, especially when pitted against the Alliance winner.

So, I read the comic Punch an' Pie by Aerie (creator of Queen of Wands) and Chris Daily (creator of Striptease). Daily draws and inks the comics while Aerie was doing the script. Recently, however, Aerie was forced to yield to real life and turned most of the control over to Daily (though, as I understood it from a post, she outlined the plot of the comic). So, I have no idea if today's comic (WARNING for domestic/physical violence) was Aerie's idea, or if she just wanted Lucy and Heather to have a dramatic break-up and Daily filled in the blanks.

Naturally, I was appalled and find the comic deeply problematic. That said, it remains to be seen how this will be handled. If, as I sincerely hope, Heather is the one who ultimately comes off as the worst person in this scenario, then maybe a powerful statement will be made about domestic violence and how there's never any excuse to hit your partner. Ever. (And please, don't play that old canard of, "What about if you're being attacked? Huh? Can't you defend yourself?" because that's a fucking strawman. We're talking about what's on the page. A person slapping another person out of anger, not out of self defense or retaliation for a physical attack.)

My fear, which is being played out in comments on the comic's page and elsewhere, is that this will be seen as a positive act on Heather's part. After all, Lucy was being a right proper bitch and needed to shut the fuck up, right? Heather has a history of not always standing up for herself, and now she's standing up for herself. Trouble is, she's doing so in the wrong way. And to further confirm my fears of how this will play out, I had an interesting exchange over in punch_an_pie

One the one hand I kind of feel like Lucy deserved it. It shut her up. On the other hand, I'm not really okay with anyone hitting anyone. And someone commented that it almost looked like Lucy was trying to provoke Heather into that.

My response:

One the one hand I kind of feel like Lucy deserved it. It shut her up.

You know, abusers and apologists use this line all the time. Or say, "She provoked him/her into hitting her."

And regardless of if that's the reaction Lucy wanted, it's still wrong, and I can't condone violence in that form, especially if the reasoning is that someone needs to shut up.

"Shut up!" and "Get out!" screamed at the top of her lungs might have worked just as well, or if Lucy refused to leave, "Get out, or I will call the cops," as I do believe Lucy wasn't exactly paying rent.

Yes, Lucy was being cruel and a jerk, but Heather's actions make both of them come out looking like assholes--Heather more so than Lucy now. I'm really hoping Heather winds up appalled by her actions and it's not played off as a moment that should be cheered/as her standing up for herself in a positive way.

And of course, I'm not saying we shouldn't ever write or draw comics where domestic violence/partner abuse happens. It's something that needs to be discussed and talked about, but when we do it, we need to make sure we clearly establish that no matter the reason, striking another person in anger should never be condoned. It should especially not be condoned if the reason is, "That person needed to shut the hell up." Victims of abuse are silenced every single day for the exact same reasons, and it's not right then. It's still not right even in a fictional setting.

_ocelott_ has an excellent post about the movie Brave and the questions that have cropped up surrounding Merida's sexuality.

As _ocelott_ says:

The first headdesk comes from the argument that because Merida is disinterested in traditional female pastimes, it must be Pixar trying to subtly convey that she's a lesbian. Look, not all tomboys are gay and not all gays are tomboys. No, really! It's true! It's certainly not possible that Pixar didn't specifically mention her sexual or romantic preferences in the movie because it was, y'know, irrelevant to the story they were telling.

Now just for a second, mentally swap all the genders of the characters in the movie. If Merida had been a prince instead of a princess, nobody would be questioning his sexuality. It wouldn't even come up. But because she's a she, her adventure story isn't enough on its own. She's expected to show an interest in marriage or romance, and the theories come out if she doesn't. The message? Girls can't have adventures. And if they do, it's supposed to end with a romance, after which they settle down in their proper place, tending to babies. In the immortal words of Charlie Brown, "Good grief!"

Is Merida straight or gay? I don't know, and I doubt watching the movie is going to answer that question from what I've read. But why does that matter? The story isn't about who Merida loves or doesn't love, it's about this magical adventure she goes on to change her fate, and that's fine. Merida is still a child in the grand scheme of things, and while I know women were married young in ye olden days, this isn't a historical movie. It's fantasy, a fairy tale. Cultural norms of the past don't really have to apply here. We don't have to be historically accurate when it comes to gender roles and the expectations of young girls.

Female leads don't have to be paired off with anyone to tell a story.

Now, if individuals want to draw their own conclusions and see Merida as one way or another, that's fine. My trouble are the "experts" (most of whom seem to be either male and/or straight) who can't seem to wrap their brains around why people shouldn't care who Merida might want to someday take down the aisle, if she ever even wants to be married. The point is, Merida could be anything she wants to be and love whoever she wants, and that is precisely the sort of message we ought to be sending girls: "No matter what you like, you can still have an adventure all on your own." This sort of character is so rare and it ought to be treasured for that alone.

And I'm going to repost my comment I made in genrereviews:

One of the reasons I'm taking my son to see Brave is precisely because I want him to see a lead female who does NOT end up with a romantic interest and still has an adventure. (Even Korra fails on this part.) I was so worried Disney was going to push the whole princess thing and that she'd meet a suitor during her adventure and marry and settle down, and when I heard that's not the case, I wanted to shout with joy.

I find it troubling that because Merida doesn't want to pick a husband now while she's still a child and would rather live a life first, suddenly she must be gay! Or asexual! Why does that even matter when there's a whole story to tell about her?

Maybe she's just, you know, a girl like many other girls?

And a small disclaimer here: Not every girl out there will be able to easily put herself in Merida's shoes. I want to point out that this post was about Merida's sexuality. Like many stories, Brave is not perfect. Many children of color out there are sorely lacking in any media representation, but as I am a white woman, I feel uncomfortable speaking for PoC on this matter.

...is still misogyny.

I understand there are some progressive/liberal dudes out there who hate what Limbaugh said (or just hate Limbaugh in general because there's so much to hate about the shit that comes out of his mouth), and I understand the desire to call Limbaugh out on his non-apology apology (which still ignores the fact that Limbaugh didn't just call Sandra Fluke a slut, he demanded she post videos of her engaging in sexual activity online so that he could watch it). However, there are some right ways and some wrong ways to go about it, and this is definitely the worst way possible.

If you want to try to be funny and sling insults Limbaugh's way, liberal comedian John Fuglesang posted a pretty decent zinger to Twitter this morning: "BTW Rush Limbaugh was just mad that some people want to get meds by using actual prescriptions."

See that? No misogyny, no insults about Limbaugh's appearance. Instead we get someone calling Limbaugh out for his past brushes with the law over prescription medication (notably Oxycontin, but also Viagra), which in turn points out Limbaugh's inherent hypocrisy for going off on Sandra Fluke.

Being ostensibly on the right (har har!) side of this political argument does not give you a blanket excuse to use the same language as your opponent. In fact, it lessens the impact of what he said and makes it seem like the misogyny and sexism aren't that big of a deal. By all means, let Limbaugh know that what he said was not okay, not one bit, but please--please consider how you call him out. The other side will say "Well, if you (cis white men) use those words, what was so wrong with him (another cis white man) using them?" And then we get into the bickering over how certain words are only "okay" if group A or B says them and we lose sight of the real issue here.

And finally, to progressive males out there who call out sexism and misogyny, remember this one truth: Sandra Fluke doesn't need your protection. Any woman who is attacked publicly like she has been for speaking out on women's issues doesn't need you to charge in and save the day. What Fluke and other women like her need is your support. Yes, there is a distinction there, one of them acts as though women can't accomplish anything without men to aid her, the other recognizes the woman can stand on her own two feet and benefits from having others stand behind her in solidarity.

P.S.: Another thing that needs to be discussed is why we suddenly care to go after Rush Limbaugh. He's been saying shit like this for decades. Why hasn't there been an organized effort to take him down before now?

Also, that guy who played Red on That 70s Show, Nick Offeman, Tim Meadows, and just every man who did this video.

ETA: Okay, video embed is not working, so have the link to a very funny video of men making fun of conservative men who want to control women's choices.

Everyone, meet Harry Readshaw, a (supposed) Democratic member of the Pennsylvania House of Representatives (36th District). Mr. Readshaw recently co-sponsored Pennsylvania's HB1077, a bill that would require women seeking abortions to undergo endovaginal ultrasounds (something that's becoming a disturbing trend of late). One of his pro-choice constituents decided to email Mr. Readshaw and let him know in no uncertain terms that not only is he terribly misguided when it comes to women and their reproductive rights, but that he has also lost her vote.

So far this sounds pretty much what probably happens with any piece of legislation to pass through any state house, right? There's a bill or a proposed bill, voters either like it or hate it, and they then decide to let their representatives know how much they like it or hate it. Oh, but that's not enough for Mr. Readshaw. He apparently was so terribly affronted that a voter--a female voter told him women are intelligent competent people capable of making their own medical choices that he personally sent her a hand-written letter. Not only that, he pulled up her name, address, and voting record and made mention of it in the letter.

I know you're thinking, "Jade, that's some real bullshit. You can't possibly be for real." And I'll tell you I wish that it wasn't real, but it happened to Amadi of Amaditalks (a pretty awesome lady I follow on Twitter).

On Tuesday, after liveblogging my read-through of Pennsylvania’s HB1077, the bill which would force unwanted endovaginal ultrasounds on most persons seeking an abortion in the state, I sent a scathing email to my state representative, Harry Readshaw, who is a co-sponsor of the bill. To be entirely fair, I dislike my representative a great deal. He’s nominally a democrat, yet he’s entirely anti-choice, he also introduced a copy of the Arizona “papers please” anti-immigrant bill in this legislative session. I don’t know why he calls himself a democrat, but he does, and I hold him accountable.

[...]

Today, I received an oversized manilla envelope from Rep. Readshaw. Inside was a printout of HB 1077, a printout of some database’s information about me, indicating where I live, that I’m not the head of the household (why/how it knows this I do not know) and a few other things about me, like ethnicity, that no elected official should or needs to know. I’m going to have to get to the bottom of that.

As if that weren't enough in and of itself, Mr. Readshaw also discloses private medical information about his own daughter's reproductive status in a particularly heinous way of saying, "If she can't have babies, why should other women get to kill them?" (I shit you not.)

Seriously, this guy needs to be kicked out of office post-haste, like yesterday. And if you're in PA and are one of his constituents, you too can email him and tell him what a douchebag he is. Or, write to him.

Representative Harry A. Readshaw
1917 Brownsville Road
Pittsburgh, PA 15210

or
Room 122 Irvis Office Building
House Box 202020
Harrisburg, PA 17120-2020

If you’re inclined to call or fax:

Call: 412-881-4208 or 717-783-0411
Fax: 412-886-2077 or 717-705-2007

And if anyone knows who Amadi should contact or where to report this to, please visit her Tumblr and let her know.

"Back in my days, they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn't that costly." - Foster Friess, Santorum backer and financier, in an interview with MSNBC's Andrea Mitchell

For those who can't see the "joke," the idea is that by holding an aspirin between her knees, a woman can't get pregnant because she can't open her legs for sex! Har, har, har! Except, I'd be remiss not to point out that it is entirely possible to keep one's knees together while engaging in sexual intercourse. It doesn't even require all that much in the way of creativity, either. Of course, it does involve something other than man-on-top missionary, so I suppose only us "sex-obsessed" liberals would ever think of it and the Really Good Conservatives(TM) out there could never dream of it since it's not what (their) God intended.

[Insert obvious statement here that hormonal birth control pills are prescribed for more than just the prevention of pregnancy. If you aren't aware of what reasons those might be, please visit your nearest Google search bar.]

For video and a transcript of the entire exchange, visit Shakesville, who also gets a tip of my hat.

Also at Shakesville: Five white dudes assemble at a hearing in Washington, D.C., today to try to ascertain whether or not Obama has violated that whole freedom of religion thing by allowing women to get access to contraception without a co-pay.

As you can see, the entire front row of "experts" are men. Thomas: "The hearing will feature 10 witnesses—eight of whom are men; none of them is testifying in support of contraceptive coverage. [Issa] refused to let a female law-school student testify about the importance of birth control. I guess women who use birth control just don't know as much about it as men who are against it."

Where's the booze?

I know, it's Kotaku, but for once I'm linking to their article because someone actually gets it when it comes to male privilege and how it intersects with gaming. (And then from the very first comment the readers prove they fail basic reading comprehension and get all buttmad because hey, he was talking about them, the jerk.) I do, however, disagree when he says that there aren't that many women in nerd/gaming culture, but I've said why I believe that's not true before. We are there, we just aren't being heard.

I've known about this article for a few days and hesitated linking it because while I was impressed and thought it had a good message, something was bugging me about it (aside from the clueless douchebags in the comments). Then, today Melissa McEwan linked to the article and added this commentary: You know what would have made this piece about "Nerds and Male Privilege" better...? If its male author had linked to any one of the hundreds (thousands?) of female writers who have said the very same thing before.

She's right. Even I've talked about it in a way multiple times and I know I've seen many an article or, hell, even whole blogs dedicated to women gamers who are (rightly) ranting time and time again about male privilege. While the article is good and makes many, many excellent points, it could have been better by including some female voices who also know what they're talking about.

So. Yeah. That's what was bugging me.