Day 05 - Your Definition of Love
Whoo boy, this one is kind of a doozy. Well, it is for me at any rate.
First of all, let me just say that the old saying, "Love means never having to say you're sorry" is bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. Humans fuck up. Humans in relationships fuck up repeatedly. Sometimes we make a bad joke, or we say something harsh in the heat of the moment. Whatever. If you hurt someone you claim to love, no matter how unintentional, you apologize. End of story. None of this, "He knows I didn't mean it," or, "She knows I love her." Don't care. You say you're sorry and mean it each and every time you screw up, and yes, you will screw up. It happens.
Ahem. Where was I? Oh yeah, my definition of love.
Love is loving the person, the whole person, as they are now. You don't love someone if they "lose 50 pounds" or "cut hir hair in a style I
prefer." You love someone warts and all in the present. Sure, your love can change in the future. Maybe you'll love them more than you do now, or maybe you'll hate them three months from now. My point is, if you fall in love with someone, make sure you're falling in love with hir and not some idealized version you've cooked up in your head.
Love is a desire to see the other person happy, even if that happiness doesn't necessarily include you. This is not something that's easy, and usually it comes with maturity and time. I want to see the person I love be happy, and I don't think I could live with myself if I knew zie was unhappy with me. I've been the unhappy person in a relationship and I couldn't bear to make someone else feel that way.
Love means sticking by a person in the good times and the bad, so long as that bad doesn't mean the other person is abusive towards you. People are allowed to have bad days, but there is no excuse for physical, sexual, or emotional abuse. Another human being is not a punching bag, metaphorical or literal. Vent to another person, lean on hir shoulder, but always realize that your partner isn't the reason your boss is being a jerk at work.
Love is still knowing you're going to find comfort in the other person's arms, even if you're mad at hir or zie's mad at you. It's feeling safe enough to voice a concern or to say that something needs to change without worrying the other person will leave. It's knowing that the times of anger or annoyance are short lived and knowing that, no matter what's happening in life, the good between the two (or more) of you outweighs the bad.
Love is not necessarily forever. People come and go into our lives. Some linger for longer than others. If a relationship ends, it doesn't mean it was a failure or a bad idea. It means lessons were learned, some stuff happened, and the two people are no longer a good fit for one another. What's important is that we remember we are capable of love and of being loved in return.
There, I think that's enough babbling from me today.( The Meme )