Note to my fellow gamers.

If you would like for me to continue to participate in a campaign, then it is in your best interest to tell me when you change the date and time of said campaign. Just sayin'.

No, I won't be playing tonight because I just now learned of this at 5:30 PM and I've made plans to do other stuff, not to mention I have to clean my house since they're delivering my shiny new stove on Saturday afternoon. This means moving furniture around to make room for them to get to the stove.

Alternately, if you didn't want me around anymore, just say so. I swear, between this and something else, I'm about ready to tell quite a few people to go fuck themselves in graphic detail.

Hey, Sam, just so you know, you're getting the fake Prada bag.

“I’ve only ever done it with a couple of people. People make up stories, but mostly I just kiss. I think it’s important to play hard to get. Nobody wants the fake Prada bag - they want the brand new bag that no one can get and is the most expensive. If you give it up to a guy he won’t respect you. He’ll want you much more if he can’t have you.” - Paris Hilton

You know, I can't even fully comprehend how many levels of messed up it is to have Paris Hilton of all women telling me I should play hard to get and that no man wants my vajayjay because it's not brand spanking new out of the hermetically sealed wrapper I'm supposed to keep it in. Don't you love the "virgin-whore" crap?

I could be a real asshole/idiot and make some personal attacks on Paris's character, but that's wrong and perpetuates the same sort of sexist bullshit I hate. However, allow me to translate what Paris is really saying here. "Ladies, your entire worth is between your legs. Your intelligence and accomplishments in life are rendered moot if you let an icky penis anywhere near your vagina. No man would want a used vagina."

If you give it up to a guy he won’t respect you.

I just wanted to emphasize this because this is a pet peeve of mine. I've dated some real assholes, but I can at least say they didn't lose respect for me because I "gave it up." I'm not the type to do one night stands or random hook-ups as that's just not me, but even if it were, why would I care if he respected me afterward if all I want is sex? Oh right, women never want just sex. We have to always have the emotional connection, right? (Picture me rolling my eyes as I type that.) Why isn't it important that a man be respected after sex too? Ah, yes, we should have known all along that all he wanted was sex anyway and his worth isn't tied into how many vaginas he's put his penis in.

He’ll want you much more if he can’t have you.

This doesn't make sense. In the past when a man has wanted a purely sexual relationship from me and I refused, he's moved on to find someone with similar needs and desires. (I'm discounting the asshole who didn't take no for an answer and only considering the men who were truly decent human beings, ok?)

I've got this crazy idea about communicating my feelings and desires to my partner. It shouldn't matter if I just want to get laid, fall in love, or stay up all night playing video games and quoting Monty Python (hey, don't judge me, we've all got our kinks). The number of sexual partners I've had don't affect who I am and it certainly doesn't make me less of a person. If a man is going to get bent out of shape because I enjoyed myself before I even knew he existed, then I don't need him in my life.

Let me say it again: My entire worth as a person does not lie between my legs. Got it? Now quit comparing my vagina to duct tape, candy, cups, and Prada bags for fuck's sake!

H/t Jill at Feministe.