Writer's Block: Dream On

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I have recurring nightmares about zombies. The dream itself is never the same, but the subject matter is. It's not that I fear zombies, and in fact I've been known to love a good zombie movie, but these days I can't watch them anymore lest they trigger a zombie nightmare. I think I have them at times when I feel helpless and my anxiety is really high. It never matters how fast you run and how slow the zombies are, they all eventually overwhelm you with sheer numbers, and there is nothing you can do about it. (Romero's flicks always end on a depressing note and no one ever wins.)

As far good recurring dreams, I don't have those. I wish I did, I really do, but seems that's not for me. Most of my dreams are often boring or just like a really, really strange acid trip. On occasion I'll have a dream I consider really nice or good, but for the most part I wake up going, "Man, what did I eat before bed to make me dream that?"

Yes, someone actually believes this.

Dear Internet,

Can we please stop the rape as a compliment meme? Wearing loose clothing will not deter a rapist. Dressing in Victorian-era garb will not deter a rapist. Gaining weight will not deter a rapist. Cutting your hair will not deter a rapist.* Being disfigured or disabled will not prevent someone from raping you. Being a beauty queen won't stop a rapist, but neither will having a unibrow, bad acne, and an overbite. Also, any of the above is likely not to stop street harrassment, either. The only thing that will stop rape and street harrassment are the people responsible for those acts stopping themselves from raping and/or cat-calling.

It doesn't matter how a woman looks, all women are capable of being raped. That a woman of size gets raped is not a fucking compliment. It's a horrific crime and it has nothing to do with how beautiful she is or isn't (we'll just ignore the fact that beauty is subjective, right?). It has everyting to do with the rapist's desire for power and control.

Furthermore, if you really believe gaining weight will stop men from harrassing you, my cleavage would like to have a word with you. I'm a fatty, and I have noticed on occasion when I go out in a low-cut shirt, the eyes do wander. I've been hit on before in a laundromat of all places, and I'm sure I'd experience more if I ever left my house and went out. I was ogled when I was thinner, too, and I have to say it feels disgusting 99% of the time because it's dehumanizing and ignoring that I'm an intellectual human being with feelings and ideas. No, to them I'm an object to be stared at, and rarely, to be touched against my wishes.** Trust me, I don't feel flattered in those moments, I feel scared and wondering where the nearest exit is.

So, no, it's not a compliment. Please, stop treating it as such. It's harrassment, and it's not fun for the victim.

Sincerely,

Jade

* = I bring this up because of an e-mail forward passed around a long time ago that said women shouldn't wear their hair long or wear ponytails because attackers could use it to their advantage. No, I'm serious. People actually believe this shit. Here's the e-mail: http://www.snopes.com/crime/prevent/rape.asp

** = Hasn't happened since I was in school, but I like to say that it's because I've since perfected my "fuck off" vibe and that I don't live in an area where I'm forced into situations where I'm amongst a crowd of people. I'm sure if I had to ride a subway to work everyday or get on a bus my story would be different.

OFFS Apparently, I'm a moron. Their internet learnings tell me so.

I love the people on the internet who can diagnose mental illness from an article and predict that someone will grow up to be the next Jeffrey Dahmer.

Look, torturing/maiming animals is AWFUL and horrific. It is indeed a sign that there is something seriously wrong upstairs. The children who did that? Awful little monsters is just what I start to say when I take my PC-filter off. I can't watch those animal cop shows on Animal Planet because there is not enough kleenex in this world to dry my tears from that, nor enough blood pressure medicine to keep my head from exploding. I never said this wasn't a serious problem, and I said it requires immediate intervention. However, I'm not a psychiatrist, particularly not one who specializes in children's mental health. Labeling them as sociopaths? WRONG without a hell of a lot more information. At this point the only thing that is certain (if we can be certain the article didn't leave anything out) is that they displayed a lack of remorse and empathy for the two little creatures. It's a sign that something is wrong, but there could be any number of disorders, and we don't know anything about the environment those children were raised in or even if the adults had a hand in helping them do this horrible thing.

Sorry, growing up under the stigma of mental illness and the misconceptions surrounding it have made this a rather sore subject for me. I'm sorry you had to work with animals who were harmed, I truly am and I wish I could lock up the people who did that so that no animals were ever hurt again. Yet, I have to speak out when I see people sling around terms and use Wikipedia as a way of saying someone is crazy. Sorry, doesn't work that way, and again, we don't know the whole story. I'll go so far as to say they need help and should be in therapy to both learn about what they did and to see if this is a sign of a much larger problem, but as for labeling them with an illness or as psychopathic? I'll leave that up to the people with the actual degrees.

Of course all people are hung up on is that I won't say they're sociopathic. I'm a horrible monster and an idiot, you guys!