When Bad Authors Attack...They Get Pwned

For those of you who might find this funny, even a little bit, I thought I would share.

Yesterday, over on sf_drama I came across a post regarding an author's over-the-top reaction to a bad review of her novel. (There is a nearly identical post on fandom_wank if you're interested, but sf_d's post is now unlocked.) Really, read both posts and the edits to fully understand how batshit insane a butthurt writer of utter crap can be.

Anyway, during this, I strolled over to R. Malone's website and discovered that she had written a short story called "Werewolf's Redemption." Mrs. Malone warned that the story had "very erotic content" and the website hosting the download billed it as a "spicy paranormal romance." Given my preference for books of the paranormal variety and my love of werewolves and vampires, I thought I would check it out. Hey, it was free, after all, and I thought it might help me gauge this author's ability to write. For my troubles, I was "rewarded" with purple prose worthy of a post in weepingcock. Obviously, making said post is just what I did next. Click on the link if you wish to read about horrible and illogical story telling complete with a "crimson-hued cylinder of steel." No, I'm not making that line up.

What's truly lulzy is that Mrs. Malone brags about being a published author, but she is published through PublishAmerica, a well known vanity press. For those who don't know, PublishAmerica printed Atlanta Nights, a book that ultimately exposed the company as the piece of predatory shit it is. Even more hilarious is that after her apalling display of immature behavior at legitimate criticism, Mrs. Malone was removed as a Good Reads author and at least one professional editor has said R. Malone will never be printed by anything other than a vanity press.

Someone apparently linked Mrs. Malone to the sf_d entry, and the fandom_wank entry contains a link to my post on weepingcock. I am curious to see if Mrs. Malone has been subdued by her little tantrum or if she'll be upset with all the LiveJournal exposure. I admit, a part of me does giggle at the thought of her stumbling on the weepingcock entry. If I get any e-mails calling me a cunt or telling me I'm jealous because I'm an unpublished author, you'll be the first to know.

How is THIS romantic?

[Trigger Warnings for Abusive Relationships/Statutory Rape]

I've been reading more about R. Malone, and I discovered she's posted excerpts of her novels on Author's Den. Naturally, I had to go and read them. (Yes, I'm a bit masochistic when it comes to bad writers.) It was worse than I expected.

Before I even read the two-chapter excerpt of Crimson Rose (the book that started this whole mess), I checked out Hushed Whispers. It's supposedly a romance and is the second in Malone's Southern Bloodlines saga. My stomach churned at the tagline.

Teenage hormones, and therapy with a hot psychologist doesn't always mix...

Those of you who have read this journal for any amount of time might know that I'm fairly well acquainted with mental health practices. I've got a parent who has a mental illness and I've been in therapy a couple of times myself. It's bad enough that I can recount stories of incompetent therapists and psychiatrists, but the idea that someone would find a psychologist having a relationship with a teenaged patient romantic is beyond sickening. I don't care how you try to spin it, there is no way that it's even remotely ethical let alone healthy. And yet, it gets "better" as you read the blurb.

Three years after enduring a ransom attempt, sixteen-year-old Tiana Dallas coasts through a recent string of bad behaviors. During an explosive confrontation of fury, her father finally forces her into therapy. Shortly thereafter, she discovers she has more in common with her therapist than previously thought... And the hauntingly beautiful Tiana finds herself deeply infatuated with her young psychologist. However, she is already bound to his son. Regardless, Tiana attempts to use her irresistible bait to persuade his father into a romantic relationship. Ultimately, she soon discovers the error in her failure to heed the following proverbial warning: be careful what you wish for.

Not only is Tiana a mere sixteen years old, she has suffered a traumatic experience. It's not said what sort of abuses she may or may not have suffered, but it's sufficient enough that we know something awful happened to her. Sometimes, yes, a patient will form an inappropriate emotional attachment to a therapist/doctor - it's called transference and an ethical therapist will work with the patient to dissect these feelings to sort through them and recognize them for what they are. They never, ever act on them or allow the patient to act on them. It's not romantic, and such a realtionship is ripe for abuse and can easily destroy the patient's psyche further, which is kind of the opposite of what therapy should do.

In the excerpt it's revealed that while Tiana probably had these feelings first, it's Dr. Kingsley who acted on them.

"Oh; about that," Dr. Kingsley began somewhat awkwardly, "look, I barely remember that. I hate to admit it, but I was certainly more than a little... Inebriated that evening; I--I don't rightly know exactly what I was thinking. But, yes; I do vaguely remember giving you a peck on the cheek or whatever."

"You mean you kissed me on the temple and on the tip of my nose; and you asked me if your son 'made me feel' the way that you did," Tiana corrected as she watched the psychologist squirm uncomfortably in his chair.

Squicked out yet? What's stunning to me is that even in the short excerpt provided, Dr. Kingsley is quite emotionally manipulative. I realize some of this may be my own projection, but the following bit really, really sickened me on a level I can't explain.

"I just can't do this, Tiana. I know you have a crush on me, but I'm nearly thirty-one years old while you're just a sixteen-year-old kid; we have nothing whatsoever in common and a potential relationship with you would not only be wrong, it would be against the law. I'm not about to lose my practice over this," Dr. Kingsley explained with a newly gentler tone, in reaction to her sadness.

"Please, Dr. Kingsley; don't transfer me! I promise I'll stop flirting with you! Just please, please don't refer me to another doctor!" Tiana pleaded, as bitter tears began to accrue in her eyes.

"Tiana, Honey; please--it's only for the best; not only for myself, but for you also. Eventually you'll understand why I'm doing this," Dr. Kingsley softly, but firmly told her.

"I'll kill myself," Tiana blurted, as hot tears began to glide down her newly flushed cheeks.

"Then I'll be forced to commit you to a psychiatric hospital," Dr. Kingsley calmly replied. "Now, come on; you know you don't really want to commit suicide, you're only trying to manipulate me into changing my mind," Dr. Kingsley added through a cold, knowing grin.

So, Dr. Kingsley behaves inappropriately, but it's Tiana's crush that's the problem. And when Tiana makes a threat to kill herself, she's trying to manipulate him. He doesn't even address what this is doing to her, nor does he seem to even try to shoulder any of the blame for his actions.

I'm not even touching the adverb abuse and awkward writing. (I'll also leave alone the fact that Dr. Kingsley is only thirty and has a son Tiana's age.) The plot is its own kind of horror.

"We [Tiana and her boyfriend] already have patched things up," Tiana abruptly replied in a newly icier tone, although her tears remained in a steady stream down her face.

"Well, good. That--that's wonderful," Dr. Kingsley slightly faltered. "But, again; just remember that this is all for the best. I hope you continue to have a smooth recovery," he added with a slight smile.

"**** you, Dr. Kingsley," Tiana calmly and bitterly muttered in return to the doctor's sentiments. The doctor sat speechlessly in his chair after his patient's latest outburst, then he abruptly spoke once more in finality.

"Good-bye, Tiana; and good luck with your psychological endeavors," Dr. Kingsley arrogantly stated in return to Tiana's contemptuous remark.

(The censoring was done by the author, not by me.) I...I simply can't enumerate all the ways in which this is wrong, wrong, wrong. How on earth can this be a romance? I'm assuming Dr. Kingsley and Tiana go on to have a relationship, if you can call statutory rape a relationship.

Honestly, if I picked this book up in a bookstore, I would throw it down in disgust after perusing just a few sentences. If the plot didn't put me off enough, the writing certainly would have.

I'll leave this entry by itself. I'll probably post something about the Crimson Rose excerpt later because that's actually hilariously bad instead of stomach-churning sad.