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jadedmusingsIt appears that people are afraid to talk to me. Again.
OK, not so much afraid as not knowing if it's fine to talk to me. Somehow I've garnered this reputation as being a bit on the rude side, and several other things about myself have been misinterpreted. Why is this happening? I have a couple of theories thanks to some chatter with a couple of other people last night.
I do not make myself accessible. - Well, the problem is that from my point-of-view, I do make myself very accessible. I don't hide my contact information on my forum profile (the little widgets at the end of all my posts), and if I'm online, I'm on IRC and I'm in the Triumph rooms as well as #returners. If people want to say something to me, all they have to do is say "Jade" or even one of my character names and it'll trigger my highlight. I may not be able to respond right that minute, but I do pay attention when my name is called. Otherwise, I'm off in my own little world/doing stuff around the house, so I don't always read the room.
No, I'm not like EK or a couple of the other GMs. I'm a pretty private person and I do keep myself walled-off. There are reasons for this, and after what happened with Elisha, I haven't exactly been eager to even try to make new friends. However, if I'm in the room and do try to participate in some chat, I am being friendly and nice. Yet, what people remember are the times I intervene to tell people to be nice to one another, or to back off when they're getting close to playing at being a GM/being rude. I suppose this may make it seem like I'm harsh or that I bite(OK, technically I do bite, but only one person), but that's the consequences of being the peacekeeper and an authority figure.
I really don't see me changing. I'm sorry, I'm not going to come in offering smiles and chocolate. I don't have the energy to be openly welcoming of everyone I meet, nor will I open up my life to complete strangers. It just doesn't happen that way, and I am not about to make myself uncomfortable to soothe a few egos. I'm nice, but this isn't the snugglenets and I can't please everyone or be friends with everyone.
I'm explosive. - When provoked and pushed too far, yes, yes I can be quite explosive. However, I rarely "explode," and when I do it's not without reason. See, the thing about me being "walled off," means that only a few people get to see what leads to those moments. If you're only context is seeing me go off on someone, then you don't know that the person I'm chewing out has probably been getting to me for months beforehand, or that a situation has been brewing for weeks. I have an incredible amount of patience, but while my fuse is long, it is not infinite.
Furthermore, since it bears repeating, I am a very sarcastic person. Keep this in mind when reading how I talk, and if there's a :p emoticon at the end of my sentence, it means my tongue is firmly implanted in my cheek.
Last night? I pointed out what Ray said about having a "better session" to go to, but it wasn't just that. It was that I'd posted at least a couple of days ago asking people to tell me when they could be there rather than me trying to plan my session without their input. I got hardly any respondants, and it was the same with the original posting of the redux thread (until the day before the session was supposed to run, I only had two sign ups - not what I'd call enthusiastic response). I've been feeling that I can't keep people interested, so why bother? The result? My entire plot arc is now gone because I don't feel the desire to keep going. I can only be kicked so much before I say screw it and move on.
If you think I'm mean... - I hate putting this in here, but I am one of the nicest people in the Returners community (second to Justin). Yes, I have butted heads with people, but again, those moments came after a long build up of aggravation. In three years I'm amazed I don't hate more members than I do, and as it is I can count them on one hand. Really, you'd much rather deal with me on a bad day than NinjaWeazel, and he's my boyfriend. I'd use Elisha as an example if he were involved much anymore, but you get my point.
I'm taking a break from actively GMing. I'm still on the team, but I'm going to be doing behind-the-scenes stuff, possibly seeing if I can't tie threads made by some GMs together to weave a story. I'll be around to help police the channel(s) when it's needed and to help with crafting rolls and what-not, but running actual sessions won't be happening. Yes, I know there is a lack of sessions as it is, but after everything I posted, you'll excuse me if I can't force myself to keep getting beat back down.
OK, not so much afraid as not knowing if it's fine to talk to me. Somehow I've garnered this reputation as being a bit on the rude side, and several other things about myself have been misinterpreted. Why is this happening? I have a couple of theories thanks to some chatter with a couple of other people last night.
I do not make myself accessible. - Well, the problem is that from my point-of-view, I do make myself very accessible. I don't hide my contact information on my forum profile (the little widgets at the end of all my posts), and if I'm online, I'm on IRC and I'm in the Triumph rooms as well as #returners. If people want to say something to me, all they have to do is say "Jade" or even one of my character names and it'll trigger my highlight. I may not be able to respond right that minute, but I do pay attention when my name is called. Otherwise, I'm off in my own little world/doing stuff around the house, so I don't always read the room.
No, I'm not like EK or a couple of the other GMs. I'm a pretty private person and I do keep myself walled-off. There are reasons for this, and after what happened with Elisha, I haven't exactly been eager to even try to make new friends. However, if I'm in the room and do try to participate in some chat, I am being friendly and nice. Yet, what people remember are the times I intervene to tell people to be nice to one another, or to back off when they're getting close to playing at being a GM/being rude. I suppose this may make it seem like I'm harsh or that I bite
I really don't see me changing. I'm sorry, I'm not going to come in offering smiles and chocolate. I don't have the energy to be openly welcoming of everyone I meet, nor will I open up my life to complete strangers. It just doesn't happen that way, and I am not about to make myself uncomfortable to soothe a few egos. I'm nice, but this isn't the snugglenets and I can't please everyone or be friends with everyone.
I'm explosive. - When provoked and pushed too far, yes, yes I can be quite explosive. However, I rarely "explode," and when I do it's not without reason. See, the thing about me being "walled off," means that only a few people get to see what leads to those moments. If you're only context is seeing me go off on someone, then you don't know that the person I'm chewing out has probably been getting to me for months beforehand, or that a situation has been brewing for weeks. I have an incredible amount of patience, but while my fuse is long, it is not infinite.
Furthermore, since it bears repeating, I am a very sarcastic person. Keep this in mind when reading how I talk, and if there's a :p emoticon at the end of my sentence, it means my tongue is firmly implanted in my cheek.
Last night? I pointed out what Ray said about having a "better session" to go to, but it wasn't just that. It was that I'd posted at least a couple of days ago asking people to tell me when they could be there rather than me trying to plan my session without their input. I got hardly any respondants, and it was the same with the original posting of the redux thread (until the day before the session was supposed to run, I only had two sign ups - not what I'd call enthusiastic response). I've been feeling that I can't keep people interested, so why bother? The result? My entire plot arc is now gone because I don't feel the desire to keep going. I can only be kicked so much before I say screw it and move on.
If you think I'm mean... - I hate putting this in here, but I am one of the nicest people in the Returners community (second to Justin). Yes, I have butted heads with people, but again, those moments came after a long build up of aggravation. In three years I'm amazed I don't hate more members than I do, and as it is I can count them on one hand. Really, you'd much rather deal with me on a bad day than NinjaWeazel, and he's my boyfriend. I'd use Elisha as an example if he were involved much anymore, but you get my point.
I'm taking a break from actively GMing. I'm still on the team, but I'm going to be doing behind-the-scenes stuff, possibly seeing if I can't tie threads made by some GMs together to weave a story. I'll be around to help police the channel(s) when it's needed and to help with crafting rolls and what-not, but running actual sessions won't be happening. Yes, I know there is a lack of sessions as it is, but after everything I posted, you'll excuse me if I can't force myself to keep getting beat back down.
