A Maudlin Sort-of Anniversary Post
May. 5th, 2010 04:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jadedmusingsFour years ago today, I was role-playing in the generic tavern for the much maligned (deservedly so) Adventurer's Guild campaign. Back then I was a newbie to the Returners community, and was just getting the hang of Third Edition FFRPG after having played Second Edition Lite a couple of years prior. This other character got the attention of my Swordmaster elf, and the two of them hit it off extremely well. Several hours later, they were still talking when the other character's player had to leave for a week-long trip. At the time I thought "Hey, that was fun, but I'll probably never hear from him again or hear from him a couple of months down the line." It wasn't a slight against the other player, it was just the nature of the internet. People got caught up in real life all the time and a one-time encounter didn't mean there'd be others.
Naturally, as he has done many times since then, he had to go and prove me wrong. One week later, I got a PM and we talked to each other as ourselves and played the whole getting to know you game. Flirting ensued, though I was very much upfront about who I was. I was in an open relationship with Tofu and I had another interest (whose backstory I will not get into here), and, oh yeah, I was a mom. His response was pretty much "Oh cool. So anyway, what sort of music do you like?" and it continued from there. I learned his name was Sam, he'd spent some time in the Navy, and he was a huge geek. We wound up talking on the phone a few weeks later, and it was one of those conversations where you look outside and the sun was coming up. Thus began one of the most complicated friendships I've ever had. Many a time the subject of what to call our relationship came up. We were friends and yet we were a little more than that; however, we weren't exactly in a relationship either. And then there was so much denial on my part that I may as well have moved to Egypt.
A little less than two years after that initial conversation between characters, I spent my twenty-seventh birthday (New Years 2008) with Sam. I told him I loved him, but my affections weren't returned -- well, it's more that he wasn't ready to say anything that strong. By that point Tofu and I had already ended things and we were sort of in a holding pattern until we could figure out finances and living arrangements, but life was still very complicated. I had planned to visit him again in the Spring, but a month after my birthday, Dad was admitted to the hospital for surgery and, roughly six weeks later, we learned he had pancreatic cancer. Sam was the first person I called after talking to Mom, and like he had always done, he listened to me and offered support. The following four months of my life were hell as I was forced to live under the same roof as Tofu -- a situation that made both of us understandably stressed and made for some emotionally confusing and very awkward moments, but worse than that was watching my father waste away knowing that he wasn't going to get any better. Through it all, there was Sam, and I leaned on him perhaps more than I should have at times, but he stuck by me and supported me, and the night Dad died, he was there on the phone again talking me through it all. Later that night, when I had made it back home and got online because I simply wasn't going to sleep, I told him I loved him and then logged out so he wouldn't feel pressured to respond.
Around November of that year, I had finally moved into this house and was trying to brace myself for my first holiday season without my father. During a phone conversation with an old friend of mine, I slipped up and referred to Sam as my boyfriend. My friend was quick to say, "That is the first time I've ever heard you call Sam your boyfriend." Believe it or not, even by this point Sam and I had never outright said we were exclusive or even dating in the normal sense of the word. That night I mentioned the conversation to Sam and he was quick to reply, "I am your boyfriend." Two months later, for my twenty-eighth birthday, I got to see Sam again for the first time in a year, and this time he said I love you back.
For nearly two years now, we have been driving back and forth to visit one another, and introducing each other to friends and family. This summer (or soon thereafter depending on life), we will both be living in the same town and we both expect the relationship to progress from there. Apart from the outside factors, our relationship itself has been pretty drama-free and we're pretty good about talking to one another when issues arise. The kiddo thinks Sam is pretty awesome and the pets agree (though Penny was slow to come around). He's even won over my mother, which is no small accomplishment considering she's really concerned about the kiddo. I don't think I've ever felt more relaxed and at ease in a relationship. Actually, I know I haven't.
All in all, I'd say I made at least one good role-playing decision.
...oh and, um, I guess I didn't do so bad in picking out a boyfriend either.
I love you, Sam.
P.S.: And also happy anniversary to all my Returners friends who have been really awesome these last four years, and even those of you who have been complete assholes. It's been...an experience. ;)
Naturally, as he has done many times since then, he had to go and prove me wrong. One week later, I got a PM and we talked to each other as ourselves and played the whole getting to know you game. Flirting ensued, though I was very much upfront about who I was. I was in an open relationship with Tofu and I had another interest (whose backstory I will not get into here), and, oh yeah, I was a mom. His response was pretty much "Oh cool. So anyway, what sort of music do you like?" and it continued from there. I learned his name was Sam, he'd spent some time in the Navy, and he was a huge geek. We wound up talking on the phone a few weeks later, and it was one of those conversations where you look outside and the sun was coming up. Thus began one of the most complicated friendships I've ever had. Many a time the subject of what to call our relationship came up. We were friends and yet we were a little more than that; however, we weren't exactly in a relationship either. And then there was so much denial on my part that I may as well have moved to Egypt.
A little less than two years after that initial conversation between characters, I spent my twenty-seventh birthday (New Years 2008) with Sam. I told him I loved him, but my affections weren't returned -- well, it's more that he wasn't ready to say anything that strong. By that point Tofu and I had already ended things and we were sort of in a holding pattern until we could figure out finances and living arrangements, but life was still very complicated. I had planned to visit him again in the Spring, but a month after my birthday, Dad was admitted to the hospital for surgery and, roughly six weeks later, we learned he had pancreatic cancer. Sam was the first person I called after talking to Mom, and like he had always done, he listened to me and offered support. The following four months of my life were hell as I was forced to live under the same roof as Tofu -- a situation that made both of us understandably stressed and made for some emotionally confusing and very awkward moments, but worse than that was watching my father waste away knowing that he wasn't going to get any better. Through it all, there was Sam, and I leaned on him perhaps more than I should have at times, but he stuck by me and supported me, and the night Dad died, he was there on the phone again talking me through it all. Later that night, when I had made it back home and got online because I simply wasn't going to sleep, I told him I loved him and then logged out so he wouldn't feel pressured to respond.
Around November of that year, I had finally moved into this house and was trying to brace myself for my first holiday season without my father. During a phone conversation with an old friend of mine, I slipped up and referred to Sam as my boyfriend. My friend was quick to say, "That is the first time I've ever heard you call Sam your boyfriend." Believe it or not, even by this point Sam and I had never outright said we were exclusive or even dating in the normal sense of the word. That night I mentioned the conversation to Sam and he was quick to reply, "I am your boyfriend." Two months later, for my twenty-eighth birthday, I got to see Sam again for the first time in a year, and this time he said I love you back.
For nearly two years now, we have been driving back and forth to visit one another, and introducing each other to friends and family. This summer (or soon thereafter depending on life), we will both be living in the same town and we both expect the relationship to progress from there. Apart from the outside factors, our relationship itself has been pretty drama-free and we're pretty good about talking to one another when issues arise. The kiddo thinks Sam is pretty awesome and the pets agree (though Penny was slow to come around). He's even won over my mother, which is no small accomplishment considering she's really concerned about the kiddo. I don't think I've ever felt more relaxed and at ease in a relationship. Actually, I know I haven't.
All in all, I'd say I made at least one good role-playing decision.
...oh and, um, I guess I didn't do so bad in picking out a boyfriend either.
I love you, Sam.
P.S.: And also happy anniversary to all my Returners friends who have been really awesome these last four years, and even those of you who have been complete assholes. It's been...an experience. ;)
