Writing: The Clueless Virgin
Jul. 20th, 2011 12:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jadedmusingsI don't really read a lot of romance (the exception being Keri Arthur who deals with paranormal romance, and I hated her stand alone book Destiny Kills), at least not in the vein of the Happily Ever After (HEA) sort, but I do read many books with romantic themes mixed in with the plot. I also read fanfiction and erotic stories online (sometimes both at once, heh), and one particular theme I'm occasionally drawn to is "the first time." I don't necessarily mean the first time a character ever kisses or has sex, in fact usually it's more a couple's first time sharing a kiss or making love.
But I have to say when I do read about a character's first time, there is one thing I absolutely hate and it's The Clueless Virgin.
From reading bad book reviews online (a hobby of mine) and from my own reading ofbadly written fanfiction and/or erotica, I can say The Clueless Virgin is usually a woman. Depending on when and where the story takes place (or sometimes even in spite of), she may have at least kissed another person before, though on occasion the most she's ever done is hold hands with another person. She is "pure" (gag me) and oh so very demure and shy, and when it comes to sex she doesn't know anything until her partner (often male) shows her.
Aside from the potential issues with consent (If she doesn't know anything or understand what's happening, how can she give informed consent?), it's just pretty freaking annoying when I read a section where some dude drops trou and the woman bats her eyes and goes, "My goodness, John! What is that betwixt your legs?"
Okay, maybe it doesn't happen quite to that degree,unless it's a Lovecraftian horror but it's not far off either. I can buy someone in a medieval-ish setting never having seen an actual penis before; however, it's really difficult for me to swallow that once you reach a certain age you don't even know what it's called. If she's had younger brothers, odds are she's changed a diaper or two in her day and at least knows basic anatomy. She might not grasp (heh) the concept of an erection and all the wonderful functions of a penis, but she's got to at least know what it's called.
My biggest gripe is the trope where The Clueless Virgin has never had an orgasm prior to the magical fingers and/or wang belonging to her new lover. Yes, I do know of women who don't have an actual orgasm until late in life (usually because of the way women are made to feel ashamed of their bodies and desires), though it's unrealistic for it to happen to such a degree. If we expect that every single boy in the world discovers the joys of self love, we ought to reasonably expect there's at least one woman out there who's had the notion to stick her hand her pants and learn the two-finger tango. I get the kink of giving someone their first taste of carnal pleasure, but it's just hard for me to swallow there being that many women out there who haven't explored their own bodies at one point or another. What's so wrong with it being their first time reaching climax at the skilled hands/tongue/appendage-of-your-choice of another?
And let's face it, realistically, The Clueless Virgin I've described probably isn't going to get a happy her first time having sex. She's going to be nervous, self-conscious, and possibly downright terrified by what's happening, particularly if she's never been sexually aroused prior to this. Hell, even if she is experienced at pleasuring herself, she still might not "get there" that first time. I most certainly didn't. In fact, I remember thinking, "That's it? I've had more fun with myself." after my first time. (And after that abysmal relationship I went on to learn how sex could and should be with another person.) Naturally, though, I don't mind reading about really awesome and amazing first time intercourse where both partners roll onto their backs and bask in the afterglow, it's just that doesn't seem all that believable when partnered with The Clueless Virgin.
On a side note, you know what really pulls me out of a story? When The Clueless Virgin is given an anatomy lesson in the midst of all the sexing. Really, I don't want to read about some dude going, "This is your clitoris, Clarice*," or, "This is my penis, and I'm going to put it in your vagina." No, just, no, okay? It's especially skeevy if she's asking, "What's happening to me?" prior to that, because, again, The Clueless Virgin knows absolutely nothing about sex and is wholly dependent upon her partner to teach her everything. I don't know, something about that stalls my motor rather than revs it.
Lest you think I'm just ranting to be ranting, I'm not. I've given myself the challenge of writing a virgin with regard to Pasha. It's something I've grappled with, but everytime I try to write down notes in that regard she's insisted she has not shared her bed prior to meeting Jodan. We've argued about this at length (metaphorically speaking, of course) and still I get the same stubborn answer every time: She's a virgin in spite of her culture being rather sexually permissive. HOWEVER, she's not clueless, either. She does know what an orgasm is and how it feels, and she has the added benefit of at least knowing how she likes to touch herself and can pass that knowledge on. (What else was she going to do to pass the time when she was punished as a child?) Plus, it means that while she's never done "it" before, she does have a clue of what's going on and can therefor know enough to consent to sex when it happens, and honestly it would be really creepy and kind of gross otherwise.
My challenge, of course, is making all this believable, though I can guarantee someone out there will read it and go, "She knows too much!" Ugh.
* = Creepy dudes who talk like that automatically start sounding like Hannibal Lecter in my head. Yes, sometimes he talks about fava beans and a nice kiante too. Enjoy the imagery.
But I have to say when I do read about a character's first time, there is one thing I absolutely hate and it's The Clueless Virgin.
From reading bad book reviews online (a hobby of mine) and from my own reading of
Aside from the potential issues with consent (If she doesn't know anything or understand what's happening, how can she give informed consent?), it's just pretty freaking annoying when I read a section where some dude drops trou and the woman bats her eyes and goes, "My goodness, John! What is that betwixt your legs?"
Okay, maybe it doesn't happen quite to that degree,
My biggest gripe is the trope where The Clueless Virgin has never had an orgasm prior to the magical fingers and/or wang belonging to her new lover. Yes, I do know of women who don't have an actual orgasm until late in life (usually because of the way women are made to feel ashamed of their bodies and desires), though it's unrealistic for it to happen to such a degree. If we expect that every single boy in the world discovers the joys of self love, we ought to reasonably expect there's at least one woman out there who's had the notion to stick her hand her pants and learn the two-finger tango. I get the kink of giving someone their first taste of carnal pleasure, but it's just hard for me to swallow there being that many women out there who haven't explored their own bodies at one point or another. What's so wrong with it being their first time reaching climax at the skilled hands/tongue/appendage-of-your-choice of another?
And let's face it, realistically, The Clueless Virgin I've described probably isn't going to get a happy her first time having sex. She's going to be nervous, self-conscious, and possibly downright terrified by what's happening, particularly if she's never been sexually aroused prior to this. Hell, even if she is experienced at pleasuring herself, she still might not "get there" that first time. I most certainly didn't. In fact, I remember thinking, "That's it? I've had more fun with myself." after my first time. (And after that abysmal relationship I went on to learn how sex could and should be with another person.) Naturally, though, I don't mind reading about really awesome and amazing first time intercourse where both partners roll onto their backs and bask in the afterglow, it's just that doesn't seem all that believable when partnered with The Clueless Virgin.
On a side note, you know what really pulls me out of a story? When The Clueless Virgin is given an anatomy lesson in the midst of all the sexing. Really, I don't want to read about some dude going, "This is your clitoris, Clarice*," or, "This is my penis, and I'm going to put it in your vagina." No, just, no, okay? It's especially skeevy if she's asking, "What's happening to me?" prior to that, because, again, The Clueless Virgin knows absolutely nothing about sex and is wholly dependent upon her partner to teach her everything. I don't know, something about that stalls my motor rather than revs it.
Lest you think I'm just ranting to be ranting, I'm not. I've given myself the challenge of writing a virgin with regard to Pasha. It's something I've grappled with, but everytime I try to write down notes in that regard she's insisted she has not shared her bed prior to meeting Jodan. We've argued about this at length (metaphorically speaking, of course) and still I get the same stubborn answer every time: She's a virgin in spite of her culture being rather sexually permissive. HOWEVER, she's not clueless, either. She does know what an orgasm is and how it feels, and she has the added benefit of at least knowing how she likes to touch herself and can pass that knowledge on. (What else was she going to do to pass the time when she was punished as a child?) Plus, it means that while she's never done "it" before, she does have a clue of what's going on and can therefor know enough to consent to sex when it happens, and honestly it would be really creepy and kind of gross otherwise.
My challenge, of course, is making all this believable, though I can guarantee someone out there will read it and go, "She knows too much!" Ugh.
* = Creepy dudes who talk like that automatically start sounding like Hannibal Lecter in my head. Yes, sometimes he talks about fava beans and a nice kiante too. Enjoy the imagery.
