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[Triumph] Not feeling it.
Mar. 29th, 2009 03:01 amI went ahead and retired my character. I'm still on as a GM, but if you want honesty, I'm going back and forth on that as well. With the rp I was coming away feeling extremely frustrated and annoyed. I was not having a good time and I spent most of my most recent session complaining in another room.
To be blunt, I know I am a strong roleplayer, and the character I made has a strong personality. I like her (and I hope I can use her for something else), but she's too much for Triumph, especially when I need to be more a background character since I'm also a GM. Her plots would have to fall by the wayside in order to prevent jealousy or claims of favoritism. Plus, there's the fact that I just never feel any desire to rp her in the OOC room or anywhere else. Yes, I'll go ahead and admit that there's also a few names in the roster I would rather not deal with. And yes, I do roll my eyes quite a bit at a few others.
I think I've just gotten so close to a handful of people and I've gotten comfortable with them as GMs and players. Frankly, they're good at what they do and I'm drawn in to their stories and feel compelled to add to those stories. In Triumph I feel rather apathetic about the whole thing.
GM-wise, I feel like an outsider. Sure, there are at least two people on the team I'm close to (hell, the arbritrator is my boyfriend), but I don't know anyone else, and all of them built this world and planned the plot before I came along. I'm lost most of the time, even though I've read most of what's there, and I don't feel comfortable telling someone else's story. I've been feeling this disconnect even more with building my own campaign up again. There I can have a say in what happens and there is no one to tell me I can't do that, and I'm not in fear of stepping on anyone else's toes/plot. In Triumph, that's not the case. Hell, I'm not even sure half the people involved like me most of the time.
My personal life is changing, and there's been so much going on that I don't have the energy to put into a game that's only giving me grief (and that's all it's been giving me). I've got so much I want to focus on (my son, my relationship with Sam, my writing, my campaign, my life) that I'm having a hard time finding a reason to stick around.
I'm not making a decision yet. I have retired Sabela, as I said, but I haven't completely decided to leave as a GM. I know I don't think I can run more than one session per month, and that's not a good thing considering there are GMs who aren't doing much at all. I feel guilty for leaving, and I think Sam's a little disappointed even if he says all my reasons are valid and he understands. I am simply not sure of what I should do.
It shouldn't be that big of a deal, but it is.
To be blunt, I know I am a strong roleplayer, and the character I made has a strong personality. I like her (and I hope I can use her for something else), but she's too much for Triumph, especially when I need to be more a background character since I'm also a GM. Her plots would have to fall by the wayside in order to prevent jealousy or claims of favoritism. Plus, there's the fact that I just never feel any desire to rp her in the OOC room or anywhere else. Yes, I'll go ahead and admit that there's also a few names in the roster I would rather not deal with. And yes, I do roll my eyes quite a bit at a few others.
I think I've just gotten so close to a handful of people and I've gotten comfortable with them as GMs and players. Frankly, they're good at what they do and I'm drawn in to their stories and feel compelled to add to those stories. In Triumph I feel rather apathetic about the whole thing.
GM-wise, I feel like an outsider. Sure, there are at least two people on the team I'm close to (hell, the arbritrator is my boyfriend), but I don't know anyone else, and all of them built this world and planned the plot before I came along. I'm lost most of the time, even though I've read most of what's there, and I don't feel comfortable telling someone else's story. I've been feeling this disconnect even more with building my own campaign up again. There I can have a say in what happens and there is no one to tell me I can't do that, and I'm not in fear of stepping on anyone else's toes/plot. In Triumph, that's not the case. Hell, I'm not even sure half the people involved like me most of the time.
My personal life is changing, and there's been so much going on that I don't have the energy to put into a game that's only giving me grief (and that's all it's been giving me). I've got so much I want to focus on (my son, my relationship with Sam, my writing, my campaign, my life) that I'm having a hard time finding a reason to stick around.
I'm not making a decision yet. I have retired Sabela, as I said, but I haven't completely decided to leave as a GM. I know I don't think I can run more than one session per month, and that's not a good thing considering there are GMs who aren't doing much at all. I feel guilty for leaving, and I think Sam's a little disappointed even if he says all my reasons are valid and he understands. I am simply not sure of what I should do.
It shouldn't be that big of a deal, but it is.
