Because it's just so easy to do.

Why does this make me think of GP? Oh, right, because a GM-controlled character is acting like a god.

I know I snark GP a great deal, and it was two years ago (or more) now that it was at its height, but I keep running into the same people time and time again, and not a one of them has ever admitted there was a problem. In fact, I was told not that long ago that I was the problem because I gave up too soon, you know after only screaming at them until I was blue in the face. And now, there's a new guild game with Saanjun as the co-head GM. The other night he claimed he had learned a great deal about what not to do in a guild campaign. He said GM-controlled PCs were a bad idea, but just when I thought I could pat him on the head and give him a cookie, he added, "But Quavax was a good character!"

Pardon me while I laugh. I may desire to join a new campaign, but I think I will stay far, far away from this one, and I will continue to snark those involved in GP and other campaigns who go around with their noses in the air as though their shit doesn't stink the same as mine, if not worse.

It's dark. Like my soul.

As you can see, I've fiddled around with my LJ settings again, and it reflects my mood. I'm still not totally sure what's going on with me. I'm angry, that much is obvious to me, and I have a few ideas as to why, but I'm not understanding this sudden feeling of "I hate humanity." Maybe it's the isolation getting to me, the lack of much of anything to do around here that even remotely piques my interest. Or maybe I'm just tired of all the stupid.

There's been some inner conflict. On the one hand, I really dislike religion and its trappings. I'm nowhere near an atheist, but I tend to be far more spiritual than anything else, and things like prayer and ritual tend to put me off. However, I've got that urge again. The urge to connect to something bigger than myself. The urge to meditate, to search, and to "talk" to the gods again. One god in particular is tugging at me once more, and I know I should sit down and listen, but of course there's that part of me that wants to be stubborn about it. I can't help it. I was so disappointed with Christianity as a teenager, and then I went on to be disappointed by so many different pagans too. I'm jaded to put it mildly, but then again I do remember those times when it did work for me, and when I did feel that connection. Of course, I was such a fluffy bunny back then, too, then life got ahold of me and knocked me around a bit. I've hardened, and as you may or may not have realized, I've gotten grumpy and snarky too. In short, I'm not the sweet and naive child I was back then.

It's frustrating. For a long time I felt nothing, then a few months ago I mentioned wanting to get back into the whole pagan deal, but nothing ever came of it. I think it was because life happened again, and then there was suddenly one thing to deal with followed immediately by another. Now I'm going to have a couple of weeks "off" as it were for the holidays, not to mention I'll be turning another year older, and that urge has returned stronger than before. In less than a year I'll be in an area that has a large pagan population, or at least enough of a population that I can find events to get involved in, and I can dip my toes in the water again. I don't think I'll be looking for a group to practice with so much as a group to sit around, drink coffee, and chat with, but before any of that can happen, I need to figure out for myself where I stand, how far I want to go, and just how much of that I'll be willing to share with others.

I do want to apologize in advance if this journal is snarkier and bitchier than usual. I'll try to keep it filtered, but it's either vent here or explode elsewhere.

What's up with LJ?

In addition to running slow last night and posting the same comment two or three times for some users, I noticed last night there was a long delay (several hours) between getting a comment and receiving e-mail notification. Today I'm not getting e-mail notifications, nor are comments showing up in my message box here on LJ itself, which is really odd.

I'm periodically checking back as people are commenting here and there, but when it comes to communities and stuff, there's no way I can keep track of where I've commented or to whom. So, um, if I miss something important, ah...hang in there? I'm sure I'll get it eventually?