Starting Over
Mar. 24th, 2009 04:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jadedmusingsRecently, I shut down my campaign of over a year. It was something I had been debating for quite a long time. The day I shut it down, I was set off by a post (no, I won't link to it) that touched on some old drama that happened before I even GMed the first session. That drama eventually led to the loss of (what I thought was) a good friend and hurt another long-standing campaign I was in. Then, shortly after I started the campaign, Dad became ill and was diagnosed with cancer.
Despite the days I spent caring for Dad, dealing with Dad's friends and the things said to me, and handling the fallout from finally breaking up with Tofu, I kept the campaign going. It may not have run every week like I wanted, but it stayed alive. Then, Dad passed away, more stuff happened, and yet I tried to keep going.
When I read that post, I was so angry. Angry that after a year, I could not separate my campaign from the old drama. Angry that, in spite of my best efforts, I had never been able to repair what was broken. Angry that something I loved had become associated with such ugliness and that it was no longer bringing me joy. So, to put it bluntly, I threw my hands up in the air, said "Fuck it," and put the campaign on hold. That was February 23.
I talked with Justin about it, trusting his judgement as both a player in my campaign and as my GM for his awesome Ivalice game. When I mentioned I toyed with the idea of completely rebooting Fourth Age, he told me he thought it was a good idea. I talked with Sam about it, too, and he seemed to be in agreement with Justin. He too loved Fourth Age, and he thought I shouldn't write it off completely. I asked the other players, and all of them said that they would be willing to come back and make new characters.
This past weekend I stripped away everything but the foundations for Fourth Age, and started rebuilding my world from the ground up. I'm taking my time and keeping everyone interested in the loop. I've been bouncing ideas off Justin and getting input from Sam, and trying to talk to the other players involved when they're around. It's been fun, and I realized Saturday that I had not associated the word fun with Fourth Age for a long time.
I'm changing so much about the world, and altering the plot quite a bit due to lessons learned from my initial go at my own campaign. As I go about it, I'm making a concious effort to associate good memories with this. This time I don't have an ailing relative or a failing relationship in the background. I won't go look at old notes and remember all these bad things that happened. I feel good about this, and I want to keep creating and planning, and eventually, running my players ragged.
I'd almost forgotten how great this feeling was.
P.S.: I have no official start date. I've got a looooooong way to go yet, but so far, it looks like it's coming along fairly quickly.
Despite the days I spent caring for Dad, dealing with Dad's friends and the things said to me, and handling the fallout from finally breaking up with Tofu, I kept the campaign going. It may not have run every week like I wanted, but it stayed alive. Then, Dad passed away, more stuff happened, and yet I tried to keep going.
When I read that post, I was so angry. Angry that after a year, I could not separate my campaign from the old drama. Angry that, in spite of my best efforts, I had never been able to repair what was broken. Angry that something I loved had become associated with such ugliness and that it was no longer bringing me joy. So, to put it bluntly, I threw my hands up in the air, said "Fuck it," and put the campaign on hold. That was February 23.
I talked with Justin about it, trusting his judgement as both a player in my campaign and as my GM for his awesome Ivalice game. When I mentioned I toyed with the idea of completely rebooting Fourth Age, he told me he thought it was a good idea. I talked with Sam about it, too, and he seemed to be in agreement with Justin. He too loved Fourth Age, and he thought I shouldn't write it off completely. I asked the other players, and all of them said that they would be willing to come back and make new characters.
This past weekend I stripped away everything but the foundations for Fourth Age, and started rebuilding my world from the ground up. I'm taking my time and keeping everyone interested in the loop. I've been bouncing ideas off Justin and getting input from Sam, and trying to talk to the other players involved when they're around. It's been fun, and I realized Saturday that I had not associated the word fun with Fourth Age for a long time.
I'm changing so much about the world, and altering the plot quite a bit due to lessons learned from my initial go at my own campaign. As I go about it, I'm making a concious effort to associate good memories with this. This time I don't have an ailing relative or a failing relationship in the background. I won't go look at old notes and remember all these bad things that happened. I feel good about this, and I want to keep creating and planning, and eventually, running my players ragged.
I'd almost forgotten how great this feeling was.
P.S.: I have no official start date. I've got a looooooong way to go yet, but so far, it looks like it's coming along fairly quickly.
