Jacob's Journal - December 1 - January 5

Jacob carries a battered leather journal with him wherever he goes. Inside several pages have been torn out and other pages have been crossed out save for a paragraph here and there. Some of those pages are stained with wine or brandy, but the more recent entries in the journal seem to be written on crisp, clean paper though occasionally the handwriting is somewhat shaky.

December 1

It has been roughly one month since I fled Aesilla. In that time I returned to Cassida to the Imperial College of Learning hoping I could fall back into the world of academia. Perhaps I should have given it more time, but after three weeks I simply wasn't feeling it. A former professor of mine and now a colleague seemed to pick up on my dissatisfaction. She mentioned that several tribes in Pax Donia were seeking a teacher, someone who could teach reading and Imperial Common to aid them in their trading with outsiders. They wouldn't be able to pay much in the way of gil, but I would be provided with adequate housing and food for my troubles, she said.

That was two days ago and as of this writing I have boarded an airship that will take me to Ratchathani inside of Pax Donia. From there I shall rent a chocobo or find a wagon that will take me to the tribe in question. The maps I have are vague at best, so unless I find a guide, I may well end up lost in the wilderness. It might be a fitting way to go given how lost I have felt in my everyday life since...

No, I shall think on that another time. Maybe after I have settled into my new home.

********

December 15

I did not mean to be so neglectful of this journal again. Settling in has been a bit of a challenge. My accomodations are little more than a straw hut with a dirt floor, but at least the food has been delicious so far. Upon arrival, I was greeted by the tribe's queen (there is no king) whose name I daren't try to spell now. She is an elderly mithra with eyes that seemed filled with the wisdom of the ages, and she has already endeared herself to me. She was pleased that I could speak her tongue with such ease as she only knows a smattering of Imperial Common. She told me that she has three strong daughters and that the eldest is away on a quest to fulfill the tribe's final requirements before she can take the throne from her mother. The other two daughters are skilled hunters in their own right and will be in charge of guarding the tribe and their sister from monsters and rival tribles. As she spoke of her children, the pride she felt rolled off her and by the end of our conversation, I felt as though I should be proud of them too and I told her I was eager to meet her daughters.

She talks as though she has spent centuries upon this land, but it's strange to think that in reality she is not much older than myself, perhaps only a decade or two, and yet this may well be her last winter in Pax Donia for mithra do not have the longevity of humans. Of course, to a viera humans are but babes in this world when they reach their twilight years.

Speaking of viera, I have found that the isolation of this area means I have much time to think when I am not teaching my lessons. I've given to taking long walks in the evenings to learn what I can of the area, and when I walk I think of the walks I had with Katj in Aesilla. I wonder how she fares, and I briefly entertained the notion of sending her a letter, but there is no guarantee it would get to her. More importantly I fear she would care little about what I would have to say given my abrupt departure from Aesilla and the Church.

Then again, I could be wrong. She could be quite forgiving under the circumstances, though it doesn't change the fact that I am quite the cad in this.

********

December 30

Another year is drawing to a close. My students are fast learners and I dare say they've taught me a thing or two as well. My Donese has improved since arriving and I've managed to find ways of battling the loneliness the creeps into my world on the long nights alone. It doesn't always work and there are times when I have had nightmares. I don't sleep well when the nightmares are here, and some nights I can't tell if it's Cecilia's face I'm seeing or Ila's. Perhaps I think of Ila because of all the young mithra I teach now, or maybe it is because I wish Cecilia could have been so strong as her. Maybe then she could have fought off the monsters that killed her, but she was only four. Even if she could fight, what good is a four year old child against such monsters?

...why do I think of these things now? I was a boy of twelve when it happened, and now as a man of thirty-one I still struggle with her memory. This isolation may not be as good for me as I thought when I opted to take this job.

********

January 5

The New Year is not celebrated here. It is acknowledged in as much as they must remind themselves that some of their fellow traders are unavailable for this week, but the mithra and other people of this area seem more inclined to celebrate the passage of seasons rather than aribratry dates created by man.

For the first time, several male mithras joined my class. I was told by Dumisani (the queen whose name I have finally learned to spell) that it is strange for a man to teach other males. The males secondary status in mithra culture means their education is normally left to the women as often the males are not educated enough to teach others, or at least they are perceived as incapable of passing on what they know. (Dumisani confided in me that it happens in rare cases.) She said I should feel privileged as a man that they are entrusting me with the minds of their children, and she honored me by saying I have earned their trust. I thanked her profusely, making sure to not to go too far overboard lest I offend her.

Before she left, she said something strange. She said I was to come see her at the next new moon and that she would tell my fortune, except she didn't say "fortune." She used a Donese word for which there is no exact translation. I had no idea she was a mystic and though I am not given to such supersition myself, I am curious about what she has in mind. She would take it as an offense if I did not show and I have no intentions of offending her.

I think I will go for a walk now. My mind is becoming jumbled again and I should like a chance to clear it.

Jacob's Journal - January 10 - 20

January 10

Dumisani has sent a messenger to remind me of my promise to visit her on the night of the New Moon. I sent word back that I still planned to be there.

Classes for this week have been called off due to a combination of planning for Dumisani's eldest daughter's return and inclement weather. Pax Donia does not have what I would call a winter in terms of temperature, but they are experiencing some heavy rainfall. I am told this is the spirits' way of preparing the land for Spring growth, though everything around me seems so lush and green already that I am unsure of what the land needs preparation for. Still, I have been somewhat grateful for the break, even though it means I am given time to think of things I'd rather not focus on.

My walks are becoming longer and longer, and I find that I have mentally mapped out the surrounding are. It makes it easy for me to get around at night, and it also makes me realize how isolated I am out here in this vast wilderness. I'm so far away from everyone and everything I wanted to escape and yet, it haunts me even worse than before.

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January 13

Dumisani's daughter returned from her quest and the tribe is celebrating. Their small village is roughly half a mile from here, but I can hear the drumming and the shouting as though it were right outside my door. From the noises I've heard, I assume drinking is also involved and I imagine they will continue well until dawn. I suspect there will be very little activity tomorrow. I hope I can catch up on my rest then.

********

January 16

The script is hard to read and much of it is indecipherable.

How did she know? The monsters...real...I--

...she mean? How can I? ...awaits me...Aesilla.

I won't...no...go...

********

January 17

I realize my last bit of writing was inlegible at best and incomprehensible at worst. I am still processing what happened on the night of the New Moon. I suppose I should start at the beginning.

I arrived at Dumisani's hut shortly before dusk as instructed. I was then introduced to her daughters starting with the eldest, and while the younger two seemed intrigued by me, the eldest appeared distrustful of me. Dumisani whispered something to her and her demeanor changed while we sat down for a meal. After the meal, the daughters were ushered out and Dumisani spoke to me alone.

There was a fire pit dug into the center of the hut's floor where dinner had been cooked. I removed the spit so Dumisani could stoke the fire and throw some sort of herbs and incense into the flames while I sat across from her. She gave me something to drink - it was sweet going down, but it had a dreadful aftertaste that seemed to coat the inside of my mouth.

( Cut for graphic mentions of zombies and death. )

Other images fluttered before my eyes. I saw the Rest, the Church, and the faces of the people I felt so helpless to protect. I saw myself there as well. People were cheering and happy around me while I sat alone, sullen and withdrawn. I was writing in this journal, and then I was reading a book I can't recall. There was a woman seated across from me and it took me a moment to recognize her as Katj.

The image pulled away and then I saw the outside of the Rest. Hjre was on the rooftop doing her nightly devotionals and there was something in her expression I couldn't read. Fear? Sadness? Pain?

After that, my memories become jumbled again and when I woke, it was sometime after dark. My eyes felt dry and my throat ached from screaming as I did. Dumisani's eldest daughter was kneeling next to me on a straw mat. She was holding a cool compress to my head and saying that I had a reaction to the drink and became feverish. We had a conversation of sorts, though I suspect she was actually testing my mental faculties then. I learned her name was Nuru and I noticed her attitude toward me had changed. I think she felt pity for me and thought me weak. It would be a lie to say I was not embarrassed by the thought.

I was given something else to drink, a sedative I think. I slept until well past dawn, returned here, and wrote the entry preceding this one before falling asleep again. I'm not sure what to make of this.

********

January 18

Nuru visited me around mid-afternoon today. I inquired after Dumisani out of fear that she may be ill, but I was relieved to hear that she was simply occupied with preparations for a giant feast they will be having tomorrow.

Nuru seemed uncomfortable during her visit. She asked me many questions about the world outside Pax Donia and about my years spent in Cassida at the college. I answered as best I could, trying not to bore her with too many unimportant details. She tried out a few phrases of Imperial Common and I applauded her on her articulation.

She excused herself after about an hour, but not before she invited me to the feast. I was assured there would be no more rituals like the one on the New Moon.

********

January 20

I over-indulged last night. My skull feels as though it may split open at any moment. I do wish there was a way to dim the sun.

Nuru appears quite intrigued by me, and I confess my own curiosity is piqued when I am around her. She seems unsure of how to conduct herself around me, and at first I thought I had offended her, but Dumisani said it is simply that she is unaccustomed to speaking to a man as an equal. I think I laughed a little harder than was polite at that answer, but Dumisani was not offended.

After eating, Dumisani pulled me aside to speak to me.

"You must leave," she said.

"Why?"

"You have work to do, and there are monsterrrrs you must face."

"Is this about the new moon ritual?"

She ignored my question and focused her eyes on me. "The past that haunts you needs to be put to rest. Before Sprrring you will journey back to your Churrrch."

I couldn't help but laugh at the way she phrased it. "Most venerable Dumisani, are you ordering me to leave?"

She sniffed. "Yes."

Before I could ask anything else, Nuru pulled me away to join them in some sort of dance. I think they spent more time laughing at my inaibility to mimic them than they did actually dancing or trying to teach me.

Still, Dumisani's words stick with me and I wonder if I will be forced out of here.