Dear Body: KNOCK IT OFF!

[jadedmusings]

Dear Uterus,

You should be thanking whatever deity uteri pray to that I do not have access to a Do-It-Yourself Hysterectomy kit, otherwise I would have already ripped you out and gleefully trampled your remains until there was naught left but a puddle of blood and bits of tissue. I thought the days of killer cramps that make me almost double over were done after I hit my twenties and had a child. This is the first time in nearly six years that you've given me this much agony.

Next year, after I have moved and gotten settled in whatever my new home will be, I am going to have a long chat with a doctor about all the ways in which I can make your life miserable in return. I've no desire for anymore children, so don't start thinking you can cause all this trouble without facing dire consequences. I don't need you, but you need me if you want to continue to live.

Play nice or I will find that Swiss Army knife.

No love,

Jade

P.S.: Stop getting Lower Back involved in your antics. She can be enough of a bitch without you encouraging her.

*****

Dear Stomach,

I realize you are situated above my uterus. I can only imagine how truly aggravating she can be when she's making me miserable. However, is that any reason for you to take your anger out on me?

If you could stop adding to my misery, I could take you out for a nice salad. I know we're both really hungry. :(

Confused,

Jade

Comments

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

*sympathy vibes and Advil*

[jadedissola.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Midol took the edge off so that I could relax, though the caffeine in it made sleeping a little difficult. Today it's been quiet and Aunt Flo should be gone in a day or two, and then it's a matter of waiting for her to show up again whenever she pleases. Just a few more months of this and then I can find a permanent solution I hope.

[lupabitch.livejournal.com]

You have entirely too much of my sympathy for all this.

[jadedissola.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's better today. I guess it just had to have one of its fits.