Letters to my body and to my pets.
May. 8th, 2011 12:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jadedmusingsDear Uterus,
You know, I swear you're a sentient being rather than a reproductive organ. You delight in torturing me with spotting and then nothing. "Oh look, a sign your period is coming! Or maybe not! Where is your period? I don't know. It could be here...or nope, false alarm!"
KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!
Hatefully yours,
Jade
P.S.: I see you still think it's funny to rear your ugly head on holidays and special days, and you're being particularly cruel knowing that I'm seeing Sam tomorrow for the first time in over a week.
Dear Stomach,
Ever since I got my first period--on my thirteenth birthday no less--you've conspired with my uterus to make each cycle all the more "fun." I try to avoid foods I really want when she's acting up because I know they'll upset you, but you're just being unfair now. Hopefully the Immodium I took will keep you quiet until this passes.
-Jade
Dear Head,
Et tu, Brute? Really? After the hellacious series of headaches last week due to stress you decide you also want to join in with the rest of my body? No, fuck you, I'm not tolerating it.
Have some more Excedrin,
Jade
Dear cats,
In case you didn't notice, I'm not feeling well. You'll get your wet food when I'm not feeling like either my head or my bowels are going to explode. You have an automatic feeder full of dry food. It won't kill you to eat some of it. I don't care if you know where I sleep.
Your occasional servant,
Jade
***
Dear Sasha,
Don't give me that pathetic look. As soon as the miracle of modern medicine makes me feel human again, you're getting a bath. I tried calling you in last night when the rain started. Just because you'd rather romp in the pasture with the goats and the cattle doesn't mean I have to suffer the stench of wet dog or the annoyance of muddy paw prints.
Looking forward to seeing you fluffy and white again,
Jade
You know, I swear you're a sentient being rather than a reproductive organ. You delight in torturing me with spotting and then nothing. "Oh look, a sign your period is coming! Or maybe not! Where is your period? I don't know. It could be here...or nope, false alarm!"
KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF!
Hatefully yours,
Jade
P.S.: I see you still think it's funny to rear your ugly head on holidays and special days, and you're being particularly cruel knowing that I'm seeing Sam tomorrow for the first time in over a week.
Dear Stomach,
Ever since I got my first period--on my thirteenth birthday no less--you've conspired with my uterus to make each cycle all the more "fun." I try to avoid foods I really want when she's acting up because I know they'll upset you, but you're just being unfair now. Hopefully the Immodium I took will keep you quiet until this passes.
-Jade
Dear Head,
Et tu, Brute? Really? After the hellacious series of headaches last week due to stress you decide you also want to join in with the rest of my body? No, fuck you, I'm not tolerating it.
Have some more Excedrin,
Jade
Dear cats,
In case you didn't notice, I'm not feeling well. You'll get your wet food when I'm not feeling like either my head or my bowels are going to explode. You have an automatic feeder full of dry food. It won't kill you to eat some of it. I don't care if you know where I sleep.
Your occasional servant,
Jade
***
Dear Sasha,
Don't give me that pathetic look. As soon as the miracle of modern medicine makes me feel human again, you're getting a bath. I tried calling you in last night when the rain started. Just because you'd rather romp in the pasture with the goats and the cattle doesn't mean I have to suffer the stench of wet dog or the annoyance of muddy paw prints.
Looking forward to seeing you fluffy and white again,
Jade
