jadedmusings: (NCIS - Gibbs Headslap)
Dear Laurell K. Hamilton,

I may be sexually frustrated, but it's not because I read your books and become jealous of what I read. In fact, I just finished Micah last night and I can say with confidence that the two chapters of sex was some of the most ridiculous, cringe-worthy "erotica" I have read in a long time. And I used to peruse sites like Nifty and Literotica for my smut and I liked it. (In my defense, I was young and a little sheltered.)

As a sexually liberated woman who believes all women should fuck whoever they want when they want, please understand when I say, "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU ARE NOT HELPING! SIT DOWN AND LISTEN TO WHAT WE'RE ACTUALLY SAYING!"

The problem is not that Anita is a woman. The problem is not that Anita fucks a lot of men. The problem is that your writing post Obsidian Butterfly, well, sucks. The sex is boring at best and laughingly bad at worst.

The people who criticize your writing have reasons for it. I don't mind sex in my books. In fact, I love sex in my books...when it's written well. Once upon a time, you were great at writing horror and making me want to sleep with a night light. Now, you're a joke and when I say I'm reading all the Anita Blake books, the words "I might be a masochist" quickly follow.

Please, go to Home Depot, buy yourself some lumber and use it to build a bridge so you can get over yourself.

Sincerely,

Jade
jadedmusings: (ATLA - Toph Rocks Fall)
When last I wrote about the Anita Blake series, I was in the middle of Narcissus in Chains and my only complaint was the use of soap as a vaginal lubricant. Since then I've read Cerulean Sins and Incubus Dreams (which I just finished today), and I have so many things to say now.

Narcissus in Chains, despite the implications of the title, was not heavy on sex. There was more sex than there had been in previous Anita Blake books, but it was still about par for the course. Many fans seem to think this is the book when the series fell apart, but I disagree. In my opinion, Cerulean Sins was where the series went off the rails, and in Incubus Dreams the series goes off the rails, over a steep cliff, crashes into the jagged rocks on the bottom, and then somehow manages to continue limping along while never losing its massive erection (because we all know the only good penis is a massive one).

Cerulean Sins saw more sex than any other book, but my problem with Sins was that the plot was all over the place. It felt disjointed, confusing in parts, and here's where I saw Anita from mild Mary Sue to full blown My Immortal levels of special snowflake. Still, I foolishly believed that if this was where fans became disappointed, it couldn't be that bad. There are still nine books published after Sins, so really, how bad could it be? I really ought to know better than to ask stupid questions.

Incubus Dreams is bad, 722 pages (in this edition) of bad. There's no other way to put it. The editing is horrible, many of the sex scenes (and there are many of them) are incredibly unsexy, the plot is barely there like Nathaniel's thong, and to top it all off there's one part that's a heaping pile of rape apologist bullshit. I wish I were kidding.

Lack of editing. )

Too much (boring) sex. )

Richard is a giant douchebag rapist, and Anita blames the victim. )

And in spite of this, I'm enough of a masochist to finisht this series because, damnit, I'm in it for the long haul. I will, however, have a palate cleanser between this book and the next. Maybe two or three because, damn, this was torture.
jadedmusings: (Supernatural - Worst Date Ever (Bobby's)
I'm reading Narcissus in Chains because I am committed to getting through all the Anita Blake novels. I am told this is the book where it really goes off the rails and rolls into not-as-sexy-as-it-thinks town, but for now it's a pretty "normal" Anita Blake book, with just a bit more sex than there's been in previous books. It's not horrible and some of it has been, if not hot, then at least pleasurable to read. (Note: I am only 200 pages in and not even half-way through the 630 pages. I expect this to change. And I do know it will get worse.)

But of course, there's one thing I must comment on.

Dear Mrs. Hamilton,

Bath soap/body wash is NOT an adequate form of lubrication! That shit burns like a mother fucker, not to mention it can dry out pretty quickly and, you know, not really lubricate. I'm not even going to try and wonder whether or not said soap was anti-bacterial and why, if it was, that it's a bad thing to introduce to the vaginal environment.

I'm all for whatever floats your boat and suspension of disbelief, but lubrication requires a bit more realism for this reader.

A Reluctant Fan of your Work,

Jade

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Wrathful and Unrepentant Jade

December 2013

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